Author Archives: Brian Humek

New Book – Praying for Pizza

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Pizza is good… it’s Especially Good when it is eaten with others. Isn’t that what life is all about, being with others? When
you eat with people, that’s when you learn about them, laugh with them and sometimes come to love them. You may find out about their struggles and in some way, come to serve those God has placed in your path.

God has put pizza and people in our lives for a reason. All of us need to serve others. It’s what is expected of us by God. Whether those we serve are family members or strangers we meet in our community, God has people for us to serve. The people we are to serve are hungry… for love, for friendship, for pizza and for hope.

Whether you are in ministry, church leadership or are someone who sits in the pews each week wishing you could serve others more effectively, Praying for Pizza can help you better understand your role in serving others and help you discover a myriad of ways in which you can serve. Praying for Pizza can also help you not make some of the mistakes that can arise when we serve others.

Praying for Pizza will entertain you, inspire you and might even make you hungry for pizza. If it does the latter, it’s highly recommended that you do not eat that pizza alone. Enter the life of someone else and bring that life pizza. And as the pages of Praying for Pizza can attest, you never know what might happen.

Darth Vader GPS Directions for Tom Tom

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A Facebook friend of mine named Charles reported that Morgan Freeman will soon be a GPS voice. That’ll be great, but here’s a great video of Darth Vader in the Tom Tom studio laying down his voice for GPS directions.

I first saw this years ago and thought it was hilarious. Just watched it for the first time in about a year and I still just about fall off my chair laughing.

“You should’ve seen the look on his face when I told him I was his father….” – That’s classic!

Is this a One Cup Church of Christ?

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Heartland Asst. Living Center

For the past 9 years, our family has been holding a worship service for the residents of the Heartland Assisted Living Center. We call it the Heartland Church of Christ. However, we are not what some people call a one cup Church of Christ (more on that in a moment). For the first few years of our ministry, this was something our local congregation paid us to do but when that money ran out, we continued to hold the worship because we couldn’t see ourselves giving up on the residents and just leaving them without a religious element in their lives each Sunday. So we’ve continued the worship and it is a blessing for those who come each week.

The way it works at Heartland is we gather together at 1 p.m. for worship. We have an opening prayer. I lead some songs, or attempt to lead songs. A friend of mine from the world famous group Acapella used to lead singing for us. Imagine the disappointment it caused when I had to take over for him. I think our church members at Heartland are pretty resillent, they’ve continued to come despite my singing. Well, after singing, we either have a short Bible discussion or the Lord’s Supper, we don’t have a set schedule for those two items. Can you imagine the trouble that would cause in a traditional congregation? Some people are quite rigid in their traditions and schedules, we refuse to be. We then may end with a song and a closing prayer with requests and praises from the residents. Sometimes the song is ommitted if I feel my singing has been way below par that day.

After the service is over, we talk and put up the hymn books and communion supplies. On occasion, there are a few leftover cups of juice and since we bring our juice in a styrofoam cup from the congregation we worship at two hours earlier, we oftentimes drink what juice is left over. However, sometimes our residents don’t drink all of their indiviudal cup and so we have to be careful, for sanitation reasons, not to drink what the resident has left in the cup. To make sure that never happened, I would only drink full cups that had been left over, and we’d dump the cups that were half full, just in case someone had already drank out of them but didn’t get all the juice.

On one Sunday after worship, I threw away the empty cups from the communion tray. There was only one full cup left. I picked it up and started to chug down that 1 oz of juice from the “full” cup. As I did so, my 9 year old son said, “Don’t drink that!” After filling my mouth with the tasty grape juice, I put the cup down and asked him why, after all, it was a full cup and no one had taken a drink from it.

My son then explained, “I took all the cups in the communion tray and poured all the leftover juice from each cup into that one.” I let out a big “Yuck!” and remembered Beatrice and her hacking cough during the middle of our singing, “When the Roll is Called Up Yonder,” and other sniffles and sneezes throughout our worship time.

I made my son promise he’d never do that again. I hope he’s kept that promise over the years, cause I still drink the leftover juice sometimes. However, worship at Heartland will always be one of the highlights of my week, germs, or no germs…I am definitely blessed by the residents we serve at Heartland each week.

Singing Jesus Loves Me

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My mom Marie, my son Zeke and my step-father Ron on our last trip one year ago.

My mom Marie, my son Zeke and my step-father Ron on our last trip one year ago.

My mom suffered her stroke last April at a Midas muffler shop in Cheyenne, Wyoming. It was a massive stroke and when I received a call from my step-father, I was told she had hours to live. The doctors has said there was really no hope for her. When I awoke, I lamented that my mom was dead. Miraculously, she lived thorugh the night. But doctors still held out no hope for her to make it through the weekend. They were wrong again.

Over the next couple months, I was told she was improving. She could communicate some. She was improving physically. By the time we were able to visit, three months after her stroke, thanks to the help of some churches I contacted helping us out with gas and other costs, she was at home but not communicating well at all. She could say some sentences but they rarely made sense. However, I did understand her wishes to be dead.

After our return home, I would speak to her on the phone sometimes, but she was very frustrated at my not being able to understand her. She would say sentences and if I said “Uh huh or yes,” when she talked, she’d wonder why and I guess I said yes to something for which I should’ve said no. After every phone call, I wound up in tears. I just wanted my mom back to the way she was. One afternoon, she called me out of the blue and most of the phone call was filled with her frustration and crying. I tried to do something to make it better and asked her if she’d listen to me sing a song. I had told her an untruth, a lie and said I had to practice this song and wanted her advice. I have no idea if she understood me, but she listened patiently while I sang a pretty bad version of Jesus Loves Me. She mumbled something afterward I took as a compliment. No longer was her frustration there and gone were the tears. I was thankful.

I hope my step-father is correct and our going up there to visit will do her more good. I’m not sure if she’s getting enough speech therapy, but I wish I could go there and do that with her each day. I know God can allow her to communicate again, but it’s going to take some time.

Please pray for my mom as she continues to struggle to talk coherently. It is still very frustrating for her. Also, thank you for any help you can provide our family as we try to earn and raise the extra money needed to get to Wyoming. If you already read our “help needed” post, I thank you, if not, you can click here to read about our needs to make this trip happen.

Thank you,
Brian

Help Needed

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If you are reading this, you recently received an email or phone call from me, Brian Humek. My mother suffered a massive stroke last year and I have contacted you because I am trying to raise and earn the extra money needed to pay for a trip for my wife, son and myself to visit her in September, and I would like your help. My step-father Ron has told me my mom does much better with her communication and stays calm when family can visit. She’s been having a bad year and rarely can family visit since most of hers live in Illinois and Texas. You can read this post to learn more about her stroke, her brush with certain death and how my mom has been doing this year.

My mom Marie, my son Zeke and my step-father Ron on our last trip one year ago.

My mom Marie, my son Zeke
and my step-father Ron on our last trip
one year ago.

I received some help last year with costs, specifically for gas from a few churches on our way up and back from Wyoming. I didn’t post on social media or on a blog my intention to leave my house empty for a week. In the neighborhood we live in, that would be an invitation for burglaries. This year however, I thought I’d blog about our need, but since this blog post public I won’t list an exact date of our trip. Simply reply back to the email I’ve sent you and I will give you my phone number and I’d be happy to talk with you. You can also contact me through this page.

Family photo - nice pic of my wife Mary Ann and son Ezekiel and then there's me

Last year, we made this trip due to donations. This year, I’d be happy to receive some donations but I’d much prefer to make money by selling a product or service I provide. Seeing that this is my author and speaking website, the first thing I’d like to do is offer my books for sale and solicit speaking opportunities.

But first thing is first I guess, you need to know the cost of the trip to go see my mom and to bring back a 1992 Ford F150 my step-father is giving us. It’s not a great truck, but it’s better than our 1998 Buick Century we now have that can’t make the trip to Wyoming, at least I hope it’s better.

The cost of the trip will be as follows:
$228 gas for a rental car
$250 for a rental car
$50 total to eat on way up and back (for our family of 3)
$170 gas for truck
$200 to fix coolant leak in truck to bring it back

$898 TOTAL of which $200 will be given to us by my step-father.

Leaving a gap of $698 needed for us to raise.

My books which you may be interested in purchasing are Leave it to God, a devotional book inspired by Leave it to Beaver episodes and Purple Ducks, a book about Jesus, the church and everyone’s eternal need to belong. I get $4.00 from each Leave it to God paperback purchased, $2.50 from each Purple Ducks paperback and about $1.50 from each ebook sold.

I also speak at churches when a fill-in minister is needed or when a special event arises and a guest speaker is needed. The topics I specialize in are evangelism and belonging, both elements of my two books mentioned above. I am currently trying to find congregations who would allow me to fill-in on our way up to Wyoming and on our way back.

I also edit and do proofreading, although most of that work is done for non-native English speakers. And I write and critique children’s picture books and that critique service can be found here.

I will never reject donations of gas cards, tanks of gas along the way or paypal donations. If you do not need one of my books added to your library, or are not in need of editing or proofreading work, you may want to make a donation via PayPal. Here is the way to do that.





$50 of $698 raised so far

You can also purchase anything from Amazon via this search box and I will receive 4%

Thank you for your time and help,
Brian Humek
Irving, TX

How to Create a Chicago Cubs Fan

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Cubs logo

There are multiple steps to creating a Chicago Cubs fan. Allow me to go over those for you here.

The first step to creating a Chicago Cubs fan is pretty simple. A man and woman simply need to have some sexual desire. As a Christian, I would say this should be between a husband and a wife. And seeing that the Chicago Cubs are rarely in the playoffs and never in the World Series, these two facts ensure that Chicago Cubs fans have more time than most baseball fans to procreate.

The second step to creating a Chicago Cubs fan is surrounding said future fan with everything Cubs. A Chicago Cubs pacifier and onesie when they are extremely young will help start them off right. Then, before their first T-Ball game, a baseball glove with a facsimile autograph of a Cubs player is appropriate (or this glove will do). As for my son, I found a Ryne Sandberg glove in Amarillo a few months before he was born. I didn’t know he’d wind up a lefty, rendering the glove useless. Talking all about your favorite Cubs memories is also helpful and a great way to surround your future Cubs fan with anything and everything Cubs, especially if any of your favorite memories contain ancient playoff appearances.

The third step to creating a Chicago Cubs fan is simply raising them to be a person of faith. The definition of faith as seen in the Bible is this: “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” That definition comes from the 11th chapter of Hebrews. Being a Cubs fan is being a person of faith. Tell me what Cubs fan is not sure of what they hope for. All Cubs fans want to see their team win the World Series. And what about that second half of the biblcial meaning of faith “… certain of what we do not see?” Every Cubs fan alive today is absolutely certain they have never seen the Chicago Cubs win the World Series.




Whether or not the third step to creating a Chicago Cubs fan is necessary or just happens is up for debate. A more serious question should be raised. Should we as parents raise our sons and daughters to be Cubs fans, relegating them to a life of disappointment and heart break? I think that is something we should seriously pray about.

And just in case you’re wondering about those Chicago Cubs pacifiers or onesies, take a look at what I found on Amazon.
 
 

Like these pacifiers?

Chicago Cubs Pacifiers

Or what about this 3 pc. set?

Chicago Cubs Onsies

Summer of Sharona cover

Summer of Sharona by Brian Humek

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Summer of Sharona

Live the Summer of 1979 through the eyes of Fifteen Year Old Ashley and her very messed up family
 
Summer of Sharona

Buy Print Edition Now on CreateSpace

Fifteen year old Ashley loves ladybugs and believes life should come with one rule: No one should ever capture a ladybug. Well, make that two rules, she also believes people who meet in the nut house should not be allowed to marry. If only her mother had followed that rule, Ashley’s life wouldn’t be such a mess. It’s the summer of 1979, the song My Sharona is skyrocketing to the top of the charts, disco is fading, and on a fateful evening on Chicago’s south side, thousands of disco records are physically destroyed.

Ashley’s life goes from bad to worse on another warm Chicago evening. Exactly one week after experiencing Disco Destruction Night at the ballpark, Ashley enters Grant Park and leaves it twenty minutes later, a changed girl forever. After this traumatic event, finding a love is the last thing on Ashley’s summer “to do” list. The funny thing about love is that it’s most successful when it comes out of nowhere and simply happens, even if that nowhere is right next door.

Purple Ducks by Brian Humek

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Purple Ducks

Reflections on why in the world we want to belong
 
purple ducks featured image

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Buy Now on Amazon for Kindle

Purple Ducks is all about belonging. Have you ever felt like you didn’t belong? I think most any normal human being has. But why in the world do we want to belong anyway? This book looks into that source for our belonging and tells some funny stories along the way. The one place everyone should feel like the belong is inside a church, but too often that doesn’t happen. See what author Brian Humek offers as a solution and how he tried to tackle the problem of unwelcoming churches on his own.

Summer of Sharona Song List

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Due to antiquated copyright laws, I cannot include lyrics, not even two words of lyrics for any copyrighted song in my book Summer of Sharona.

However, song titles are not copyrighted and I could legally have one of my characters state how sick a certain song makes them. I could have them say they think the song is trash and that it grows on them like a fungus. I actually have a character in Summer of Sharona say that about one song that was popular in 1979. That is legal, but using song lyrics in any sort of flattering way is strictly prohibited.

Here is a playlist of songs referenced in Summer of Sharona. Some of these songs were formerly sung by various characters, but no longer.

From The Grooveshark Song List – Click here to listen

1. My Sharona – The Knack
2. I Want You to Want Me – Cheap Trick
3. Ladybug – Bumblebee Unlimited
4. Disco Inferno – The Trampps
5. Something to Hide – Journey
6. Like a Sunshower – Journey
7. Too Late – Journey
8. You Take My Breath Away – Rex Smith
9. Do Ya Think I’m Sexy? – Rod Stewart
10. Feeling That Way/Anytime – Journey

Not on Grooveshark



Another Brick in the Wall – Pink Floyd (youtube)


Comfortably Numb – Pink Floyd


Do You Think I’m Disco – Steve Dahl

Red Bell Peppers capsicum

I Hate Having Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD)

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Red Bell Peppers capsicum

Kidneys are great things. They clean our blood. But when they stop working, that’s when life could become hell for picky eaters. Why I hate having chronic kidney disease (CKD) is because it means my kidneys cannot clean out the protein from my blood. And how exactly does protein get in our blood? Hamburgers, that’s how. But hamburgers aren’t the only source of protein in our blood. You can also get protein from pizza. Most of all, that comes from the diary product called “extra cheese!” Then there is chicken, fried, grilled and barbecued. What about hot dogs? Yes, mmmm, mmmm. But basically, what I’m struggling with and hating is the fact I can’t grill myself up 3-4 of my favorite garlicy onion filled home style burgers on any given night I want. I can’t eat eight slices of pizza at one sitting. In case you’re wondering, that’s how many slices are in a large Little Ceaser’s pepperoni pizza. Oh man!

And one of my favorite things to consume that has way too much protein for me now is milk. I love milk. I hate having chronic kidney disease. Two things couldn’t be more diametrically opposed. Milk is filled with protein and failing kidneys can’t clean it out of our system. I used to drink milk with my two slices of buttered toast, multiple times each day. I used to consume multiple bowls of cereal a day. Now days, I’ve tried to cut the milk with 50% water. That doesn’t taste so great on corn flakes. I’ve heard there is a solution for that and it’s called “non fat dairy creamer.” What????? Eat my cereal using dairy creamer instead of milk?

I’ve looked at Almond milk ice cream bars instead of real ice cream bars. Then of course, there are red peppers. When I first found out about the benefits of red peppers, I tried making and eating a red pepper egg white omelet. Talk about bland. The only thing good about that red pepper egg white omelet was that it was food and took up some space in my stomach. I think that same day I had a few bowls of apple sauce too. That’s when I took the low protein diet thing seriously. I haven’t done so lately. And I’ll probably need a kidney transplant a lot sooner because of that.

I have been going to Whataburger and Sonic and and even eating pizza. I had two slices today. I’ve not been eating the greatest even after I found out that a new kidney costs over a quarter of a million dollars. You know how many hamburgers that could buy?

Will I follow my grandfather’s example and just not do dialysis when it comes to the time when I need it?He was so much older than I am. He chose not to do it and died weeks or months after making that decision.

I’ve read that a low protein diet is used to put off the need for dialysis, to preserve the kidneys. But once they’re shot and you need dialysis, you need extra protein. I hope that’s true. That’ll mean White Castle hamburgers every day, going to Mama’s & Daughters Diner and getting a burger and ordering another for dessert, two or three pizzas a week from Lushaj’s, Little Ceaser’s and Rosati’s up in Flower Mound.

Oh my, I’m so conflicted. Do I want to put off the need for dialysis and eat so little protein I shrivel up to the size of a dried prune, or get to dialysis fast so I can consume extra protein? Maybe I need some moderation. Yep, that’s probably what I’ll try.